Can't see

Levi: "Mom? I can't find my {soft} bowling ball. You help me find it?"

Me: "No, bud, you just had it. Where did you put it?"

Levi: "I don't remember."

Me: "Well, why don't you look in your living room?" {living room is what he calls his bedroom}

Levi: "I need glasses. I can't see to find it."

It's a hard knock life

Levi wanted to call his uncle ...

Levi: "Hi, Nick."

Nick: "Hi Levi. How are you."

Levi: "I had a hard day today. I couldn't find me new tennis shoes."

Hard day, huh?

Rock-a-bye

This morning, Levi picks up his shoe, cradles it like a baby, and sings ...

Rockin my baby
In the treeeeeee top!

How do you respond to ...

"Mom? Girls have boobs."

Porter Quarter

There's a little boy in Levi's preschool class named Porter.

Levi calls him "Quarter."

Bessie

Levi is obsessed with the movie "Cars" ... he watches it over and over and never gets sick of it. One day he looks at me and says "Mom. You're like Bessie."

Bessie - for you Cars fans - is the giant paver that attaches to Lightning's bumper so he pull it to repave the road.

Thanks, kiddo.

Pink eye

Levi came home with what I thought was pinkeye - I said to him, "Bubbie, I really hope you don't have pinkeye."

To which he replied with "No, mom. I have BLUE eyes."

You're a mean one ....

Mom: "Levi, it's time to go to bed. Otherwise you'll be Mr. Grumpy in the morning."

Levi: "Like Mr. Grinch?"

Not you

Levi: "Yadda yadda yadda" {saying something in the car but no one heard him}

Me: "What did you say, bud?"

Levi: "No. Not you, mom. I am talking to my dad."

Excuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuse me.

Boyfriend

Me: "Levi, what's dad doing?"

Levi: "Texting his boyfriend."

Outside

Levi has been in preschool since he was 18 months old. Once he started talking, I'd ask him, "Levi? How was school today?"

Levi: "Good"

Me: "What'd you do?"

Levi: "Play ou-side"

No matter if it was raining, snowing, 20 degrees, 90 degrees, whatever .... his answer is always "play ou-side"

Baseball

Normal kids beg their parents to go to Toys R Us. My kid? He begs me to take him to the "Sports Store" (Play It Again Sports) because he NEEDS an $80 pitcher practice stand. Um?

"MOM! MOM!!!! MOOOO-OOOOOOM. I need a baseball thing. I need it! MOM!"

For real, 2 going on 12?

Drinkey

We got home from work / daycare.

"Mom? I really hungry. I really drinkey."

Imitation

I swear this kid's gonna be an actor.

His grandmother always does this high-pitch yell when he comes over ... sorta like "OH LEVI IT'S SO GOOD TO SEE YOU I'M SO HAPPY ETC."

Levi can do a perfect impression of it.

Tell him "Hey Levi, what does grandma say?"

"OOOOH LEVI IT SO GOOD TO SEEEEEE YOOOOOOU YOU AT MY HOUSE!!!!!"

Dad will say "Hey Levi, what does mom say?"

He says in a 'mommy' voice, "No, no, no, Levi!"

"What does granny say?"

"Leviiiiiiii! Don't poop in your pants!"

Only person

It's apparent for some time that Levi would be quite the witty one. His grandfather can swing a comeback at you without blinking an eye. His dad? World class smart@$$. His uncle? Just the same. So it's not surprise that as soon as Levi started forming sentences that he'd have something to say.

One day he got mad at me over something. Maybe a toy? He was cussing me in baby talk and then points his finger at me, frowns and says ...

"You only person you like."

Maybe it was a Prada?

Levi is being a typical toddler - hateful, mean-spirited ... tells me he likes daddy more than me.

Me: "But Levi, I carried you for 9 months!"

Levi: "In your purse?"

Knock-knock

Background: I'm washing dishes. Levi has been begging me for about 10 minutes to play basketball with him.

Levi: "Knock knock"

Me: "Who's there?"

Levi: "Levi."

Me: "Levi who?"

Levi: "Levi play basketball?"

"fat"

Levi and I are laying in his bed, reading a book before bedtime. He keeps pushing his stomach in like he has a stomach ache.

So I ask, "Levi, do you need to go poop?"

He says, "No. Mom? I'm getting fat."

Really? At 2? Sheeze. Where is he learning this stuff? LOL!